Letting Go

I have been to see Kim a couple of times since my last post.  Her girls had their birthday party.  She had asked me if I got the information about the party.  I told her no.  She said she would make sure I had it in time to get there.  I waited until an hour before the party was to begin.  I never got the text message, so I went on with my day.  I was not upset or anything.  I figured something came up or maybe it ended up being more of a family gathering. 

I knew she could not text anymore as she had become so weak.  I called her the Sunday after the party.  She asked why I wasn't there and I told her.  She said her girls had wanted to meet me.  I reminded her that they had.  I suggested a little meeting by her....she said that would be great.

Things seemed to be unchanged with her status overall until yesterday.  I had tried calling her several times and she did not answer.  I decided to take a ride over.  I walked into her room and she was nodding off.  I said hello. 

"I was just waking up." She replied. 

"Did you have visitors today?"  I asked

She thought about this for a few moments and then said, "I honestly don't know." 

It was obvious she was still tired.  I sat and glanced at the tv as she was rubbing her eyes.  When I turned back to look at her, she was sleeping again.  I sat and waited for awhile, watching her breath.  It's amazing to me how sunken her face is, how skinny her finger and wrists are.  Her skin looks waxy and is discolored in such a way that it seems if you took a warm soapy wash cloth to it, you might get that color off.  Truth is...you wouldn't be able to do so.  Her lips were so dry.  It was obvious she had lost more teeth.   Her nails were still perfectly manicured....the one thing that makes her feel pretty. 

As I sat there, it dawned on me....she is letting go.  You can tell her soul is barely hanging on to her body...instead, it is reaching towards heaven...away from the misery this life has given her.  Visiting her is no longer for Kim...it is for me........to say goodbye and see you soon....for me to get any last ounce of closure. 

Her birthday is this Thursday.  She will be 33 years old.  Her daughter's birthday is this Saturday. I wonder if she will be here.