I know that I felt this way before I became a mama, but it is more pronounced now. Friendships are critical going through this journey. I think it is impossible to be a mama without having friends to help pick you up when you struggle along the way...and in return...you pick your friends up, instill confidence in them, and let them know you will be there for them always.
Many years ago, I was not there for one of my best friends from high school and we parted ways. I attempted to reestablish our friendship a few years later. I missed her dearly...still do. I left the ball in her court as to if she wanted to rekindle our friendship as my door was always open. I never heard from her...
One day my mom called and told me that she saw collection canisters at the gas station for her because she is dying of clear cell cancer. I was at work at the time and I felt like I had just been punched in the gut and my heart broke at the same time. I had to try to pull it togther so I could finish the work day. Before I did though, I called her parents' house and left a barely comprehendable message that I was devastated about the news and if she would like to call she could. She never did....
I contacted her brother through face book later that day as well--this was back in July. He emailed me back yesterday to say that she is spending time with her family, which includes her husband and two young daughters, and not reaching out right now. Perfectly understandable. She only has a few months to live at most.
So...how do I even begin to reconcile this with myself since I know that a reconciliation with her is highly unlikely? How do I forgive myself and move on for taking her friendship for granted years ago? She was there for me at some of the most intense times of my life up to the point that our friendship ceased. She is not the type of friend that can be replaced. This beautiful soul will be gone soon...leaving a hole in my heart that I have no idea how to fill.
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