The Curve Ball

One of the hardest things in my life I will have to deal with is the loss of a very special friend in my life. We were fabulous friends throughout highschool and let's just say that we drifted apart for many years. One day my mom was in a gas station and saw a collection can for a woman who had cancer...my friend. Mom called me to tell me what she had seen not thinking it would upset me so much because I had not mentioned her name in many years. However, I immediately broke down crying.

I tried calling my dear friend and was only met with an answering machine on the other end. I barely choked out who I was and my phone number.

I waited for a reply and heard nothing. I attempted contacting her through her brother's online profile, and it took awhile to hear from him. He said she was indeed ill and he would pass along my message. I so desperately wanted to hear from her, but felt completely selfish in wanting to take any of her precious time.

I resigned myself to the fact that I would not hear from her and I was going to have to accept that. The months wore on and I wondered how I would find out about her passing...newspaper, mutual aquaintence...?????? How would I say goodbye? At her funeral? At her grave site?

One day I signed on to the online website where I found her borther. She had replied to me through his account. I immediately started crying. She was alive! She wanted to contact me! She took the time to reply to me! I had no idea what to say. "How's it going?" just seems like a rhetorical and stupid question. I choose my words wisely as I didn't, and still don't, have any idea how many times I will be able to talk to her. Time is priceless so choosing words seems critical. What do you say to someone who is dying?

We have been talking through email and text messaging. Our conversations are precious to me. Most of the time I have a hard time thinking of what to say without sounding insignificant. I would imagine always talking about her illness is hard for her and maybe some of the 'normal' conversation is nice.

This is truely a curve ball for me that I have no idea how to catch...