Sam

For a little over a year now I have posted about Kim. I developed a small following of people who read what I write. I appreciate that. It is extremely helpful to me to be able to get it all out. Maybe you will join me on this next journey with someone I will call Sam.

I have known Sam for a long time. We have been close since we were little. I have maintained contact with him over the years. It just so happened that we were both online the other night and he said he wanted to know if I could talk. I knew immediately something had happened. I had no idea what.

It was time to be getting the kids ready for bed, but I told my husband I needed to make a phone call. He said that was fine. I dialed Sam's number quickly. He answered immediately. I asked him, 'So what's up?' The line was quite. I thought maybe I had accidentally hung up on him. I had no idea what he was going to say.

He began to ask me if I remembered certain people while growing up. I said yes. He then told me that someone in our past was responsible for sexually assaulting him as a young teenager.

I was devastated. Absolutely devastated.

Tons of emotions that had long since been sleeping erupted from me. I kept them in check as I knew this would not help Sam. He said he I was the fourth person he told and he wanted to tell me because he knew I had been through a similar situation. I was grateful he told me. Dealing with the emotional weight of something like this alone is impossible. Period.

"Sam...it was NOT your fault. In no way shape or form. I am here for you...anytime you need me. If it's 2am, call. I don't care. If you need me, you call." He tried interrupting a couple of times and I cut him short telling him I just wanted him to hear what I was saying.

We talked for almost two hours...about how he is angry. He knows it isn't his fault. He is struggling with the anger. Lots of it. He is going to go to counseling and for that I am grateful. He even found one that specializes in helping victims of sexual assault. I pray this is something that will benefit him and that he connects with the therapist right away. Anyone who has had to deal with this type of event in their own life knows that trust is not a given and lost rather easily.

As much as I am wanting and willing to be there for Sam, it does bring up my own personal history and stirs up emotions. I remember when I tried to think about what I wanted to do for a living and so many people said I should be on a crisis team for victims of sexual assault. No way. Couldn't do it. To live that every day would be impossible for me on so many levels.

We ended our phone call and I know he will be ok. There is no doubt he is on a long journey and I hope I can be the kind of friend he needs along the way.

Till next time.....