Still

It has been two weeks now since Kim passed away. I still have her number in my cell phone. I still have some emails she sent me. I still have some text messages on my phone. I also still have the two dollars she gave me for the ice cream cone on her birthday..even some of the receipts from going to get her black cherry smoothies. I don't know why I still have them and I don't know when I will be ok with letting them go.

I did open the letter she wrote to me. She said she was proud of me for the person I have become, in particular, a mama. She could tell I love my boys and that it has brought out the best in me. Such an amazing compliment from someone who had known me so long.

I remember before she died I told her to visit me in my dreams. Maybe it is just me imagining or creating her memory, but I have seen her in my dreams a few times. It is comforting. She is healthy, talking and looking like she did before cancer, but most of all...happy.

I am glad I decided to memorialize her life and what she taught me on my own body. A tattoo that is so much more than just a tattoo. It symbolizes friendship (with all of those I love), faith, embracing change, sorrow, life, truth, trust, and hope. I always want to be reminded of these things. I am so grateful that she was able to see it before she passed.

Life goes on....but it does not mean I will forget her. I can not wait to see her in heaven.