Making the decision to have a child-it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.
Elizabeth Stone
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
A story, a rant, and a reminder all in one...
I went to the movies this afternoon by myself for some rare "me" time. I was driving along and noticed traffic ahead of me slowing down quite a bit. I figured someone got pulled over or a car was stalled...no biggie. As I am driving further down the road, I realize that the gappers block is occurring because of an accident on the opposite side of the highway.
As I drive by...rather slowly like everyone else, I realize what probably happened. It's a three lane highway, the car in the right most lane, if you were traveling north, probably did a lane change without looking and a newer, gold Cadillac went off the road and slammed into a group of trees by the off ramp. The front end of the car was completely smashed. Some of the trees that it hit were even broken in half--mind you these were not small trees. As I continue traveling south, I could see no traffic was being allowed to pass the accident and the flight for life helicopter was flying overhead toward the accident. It made all the hair on my arms stand straight up. I said a prayer for those involved.
What makes me mad about accidents like this is that someone was clearly not paying attention to what they were doing while driving, maybe rushing to get somewhere, or just had to talk/text on the phone. What gives someone the right to be so wreckless while driving putting other people's lives at risk?? If you can't pay attention, don't drive. If you are running late...too bad. You should have left earlier...deal with the consequences. If you need to talk, let alone text on the phone, PULL OVER! No one has the right to put someone else's life in danger like that.
Don't get me wrong...I am hardly going to claim to be the perfect driver. But it serves as a reminder to me that I should not do things like speed or talk on the phone when driving. Quite simply, it is not worth it. It could cost me my life, my children's lives, or someone else's life...none of which is ok.
As I drive by...rather slowly like everyone else, I realize what probably happened. It's a three lane highway, the car in the right most lane, if you were traveling north, probably did a lane change without looking and a newer, gold Cadillac went off the road and slammed into a group of trees by the off ramp. The front end of the car was completely smashed. Some of the trees that it hit were even broken in half--mind you these were not small trees. As I continue traveling south, I could see no traffic was being allowed to pass the accident and the flight for life helicopter was flying overhead toward the accident. It made all the hair on my arms stand straight up. I said a prayer for those involved.
What makes me mad about accidents like this is that someone was clearly not paying attention to what they were doing while driving, maybe rushing to get somewhere, or just had to talk/text on the phone. What gives someone the right to be so wreckless while driving putting other people's lives at risk?? If you can't pay attention, don't drive. If you are running late...too bad. You should have left earlier...deal with the consequences. If you need to talk, let alone text on the phone, PULL OVER! No one has the right to put someone else's life in danger like that.
Don't get me wrong...I am hardly going to claim to be the perfect driver. But it serves as a reminder to me that I should not do things like speed or talk on the phone when driving. Quite simply, it is not worth it. It could cost me my life, my children's lives, or someone else's life...none of which is ok.
Friday, November 27, 2009
To My Sons...
Nathan....
I hope some day you have an idea how much I love you.
I hope some day you understand how much you have taught me about what is truly important in life, what unconditional love is, and what sacrifice really means.
I hope you grow up to be as good of a father to your children as yours is to you.
I hope you know that you are my reason for being here.
I hope you know that I thank God for you every day.
I hope you know that your little brother does not replace you in mama and dada's eyes. You each hold very special places in our hearts.
I hope you know there is nothing in the world I would not do for you for your benefit.
Noah...
I hope some day you have an idea how much I love you.
I hope some day you understand that you taught me a heart's capability to love can only grow, not be divided more.
I hope you grow up to be as good of a father to your children as yours is to you.
I hope you know that you are my reason for being here.
I hope you know that I thank God for you every day.
I hope you know that your big brother is your best friend for life...no matter what crayon he stole or if he tattles on you.
I hope you know that there is nothing in the world I would not do for your benefit.
To both of you...
I pray that you take care of each other throughout your lives.
I pray that you never, ever have to wonder if I loved you. If you do, I failed as a mother.
I pray you find a soul mate who will help you raise your own babies and you both get to experience the beauty of family.
Life is precious, and the things you say and do can either enrich your lives, or take away from them. Make you decisions wisely.
No one is perfect. Strive to be the best you can...the rest will fall into place.
I love you both...and no, I will never stop reminding you of that.
Love,
Mom
I hope some day you have an idea how much I love you.
I hope some day you understand how much you have taught me about what is truly important in life, what unconditional love is, and what sacrifice really means.
I hope you grow up to be as good of a father to your children as yours is to you.
I hope you know that you are my reason for being here.
I hope you know that I thank God for you every day.
I hope you know that your little brother does not replace you in mama and dada's eyes. You each hold very special places in our hearts.
I hope you know there is nothing in the world I would not do for you for your benefit.
Noah...
I hope some day you have an idea how much I love you.
I hope some day you understand that you taught me a heart's capability to love can only grow, not be divided more.
I hope you grow up to be as good of a father to your children as yours is to you.
I hope you know that you are my reason for being here.
I hope you know that I thank God for you every day.
I hope you know that your big brother is your best friend for life...no matter what crayon he stole or if he tattles on you.
I hope you know that there is nothing in the world I would not do for your benefit.
To both of you...
I pray that you take care of each other throughout your lives.
I pray that you never, ever have to wonder if I loved you. If you do, I failed as a mother.
I pray you find a soul mate who will help you raise your own babies and you both get to experience the beauty of family.
Life is precious, and the things you say and do can either enrich your lives, or take away from them. Make you decisions wisely.
No one is perfect. Strive to be the best you can...the rest will fall into place.
I love you both...and no, I will never stop reminding you of that.
Love,
Mom
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Why is it a suprise...
when after the men in our lives walk around in an array of announcing or engaging in bodily functions that are less than attractive, they are surprised that we are not anxiously awaiting a romantic tryst??
Am I alone here?
Am I alone here?
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Sometimes...
As a mama, I think there are some general truths that hold true for all of us.
When the day settles, the babes are asleep, the dishes are done, the laundry is put away, a mama has the time to sit with her thoughts and emotions. Sometimes, a mama feels sad, exhausted, lonely...but always blessed. Sometimes she feels energized at a day well done. Sometimes there are feelings of frustration, inadequacy, fear, being lost...and sometimes a sense of peace, content, and accomplishment.
No matter what...if our babes need us, those feeling are all pushed aside should there be a cry or need that has to be addressed.
We do not put ourselves first. Sometimes this is not a problem, and sometimes we just wish we could have that minute to feel what we need to feel. Sometimes we wish we could be put first, as strange as it may feel...and sometimes...no one has any idea at all what is going on inside our hearts and minds...because most of the time no one else is paying attention.
When the day settles, the babes are asleep, the dishes are done, the laundry is put away, a mama has the time to sit with her thoughts and emotions. Sometimes, a mama feels sad, exhausted, lonely...but always blessed. Sometimes she feels energized at a day well done. Sometimes there are feelings of frustration, inadequacy, fear, being lost...and sometimes a sense of peace, content, and accomplishment.
No matter what...if our babes need us, those feeling are all pushed aside should there be a cry or need that has to be addressed.
We do not put ourselves first. Sometimes this is not a problem, and sometimes we just wish we could have that minute to feel what we need to feel. Sometimes we wish we could be put first, as strange as it may feel...and sometimes...no one has any idea at all what is going on inside our hearts and minds...because most of the time no one else is paying attention.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Instincts
It never ceases to amaze me the instincts I seem to have developed since I became a mama. Not just about my babes, but myself. I can think of countless examples. While I am NOT at all advising people to go against a physician, I would have to say that they are sometimes wrong, or not entirely right, despite their level of knowledge. It is frustrating as a mama to have to go through the hoops to prove my point and get the physician to believe me. In all honesty, I don't like not doing what a doctor says, but when it is me or my children who have to deal with the consequences...it makes this situation rather sticky.
I truely believe that the best physicians are the ones that listen to their patients and work with them, not on them. I have experienced this many times as well. It is just to bad more physicians do not practice medicine this way.
I truely believe that the best physicians are the ones that listen to their patients and work with them, not on them. I have experienced this many times as well. It is just to bad more physicians do not practice medicine this way.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Just Because I am Sick....
does not mean I am not a mama. My son does not care if I look terrible, sound awful, have snot running out my nose, can't stop sneezing, have a congested cough, and am dead tired....I am still his mama, and he still needs hugs and kisses before he leaves, has to show me his new Mr. Potato head creation with pride, and insists I go play with him and his choo-choo trains.
That little boy must love me! I am truely blessed.
That little boy must love me! I am truely blessed.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Um....what was I going to do???
I know that I had two things I wanted to post about. Now that I have a minute to actually post, can I remember what it was I wanted to say?? No.
So, I figure I can throw in some slightly amusing stories from the last couple of days.
One of my closest friends got my son a Mr. Potato Head for his birthday. It was the second present he opened, and he did not have really any interest in opening any of the other gifts. I managed to peel him away from it long enough to get the other gifts open. Then, back to Mr. Potato Head.
Well, Sunday he was completely exhausted from the day before when we had the party. He BAWLED when we tried to make him put it down for bed time. I said to my husband, "just let him take it to bed. He will pass out and it won't matter." Famous last words...
He did pass out right away, but he woke up at 5:15am shouting "DADA!!!! DADA!!!! LOOK!!" Frightfully waking up to my son screaming, I shoved my husband out of bed to go and check on him. He comes back about 15 minutes later and says, "He dropped his Mr. Potato Head pieces behind the crib and he wanted them." Being the good dada that he is, he got the pieces, gave them to him and hoped he would either: a) play quietly or b) just pass out again.
Not so much. Twenty minutes later..."DADA!! DADA!! DADA!!" He had to show dada what he had made with the Mr. Potato Head pieces he picked up. He did lay in bed for a little while longer after that episode, but we were both up shortly after 6 am.
He will not go to bed with toys anymore :)
Story #2: Toddler bed 3, Nathan 0
Another mile stone for our son this past week was changing him to a toddler bed. He did exceptionally well until last night. The rail to keep him from falling out of the bed was on the foot of the bed, rather than the head of the bed. The way the bed was made, this was the only option. Of course we tried laying him the opposite way, didn't matter. He returned to laying the opposite way.
By 2:30 in the morning, I got my husband out of bed and we turned the open side of the bed to the wall so his full crib panel was facing the outside. No more falling out of the bed! Voila!
So, today Grandpa came over, drilled new holes so we could turn toddler bed side around and have the rail at the head of the bed. I am hoping he doesn't roll out tonight! We shall see...
So, I figure I can throw in some slightly amusing stories from the last couple of days.
One of my closest friends got my son a Mr. Potato Head for his birthday. It was the second present he opened, and he did not have really any interest in opening any of the other gifts. I managed to peel him away from it long enough to get the other gifts open. Then, back to Mr. Potato Head.
Well, Sunday he was completely exhausted from the day before when we had the party. He BAWLED when we tried to make him put it down for bed time. I said to my husband, "just let him take it to bed. He will pass out and it won't matter." Famous last words...
He did pass out right away, but he woke up at 5:15am shouting "DADA!!!! DADA!!!! LOOK!!" Frightfully waking up to my son screaming, I shoved my husband out of bed to go and check on him. He comes back about 15 minutes later and says, "He dropped his Mr. Potato Head pieces behind the crib and he wanted them." Being the good dada that he is, he got the pieces, gave them to him and hoped he would either: a) play quietly or b) just pass out again.
Not so much. Twenty minutes later..."DADA!! DADA!! DADA!!" He had to show dada what he had made with the Mr. Potato Head pieces he picked up. He did lay in bed for a little while longer after that episode, but we were both up shortly after 6 am.
He will not go to bed with toys anymore :)
Story #2: Toddler bed 3, Nathan 0
Another mile stone for our son this past week was changing him to a toddler bed. He did exceptionally well until last night. The rail to keep him from falling out of the bed was on the foot of the bed, rather than the head of the bed. The way the bed was made, this was the only option. Of course we tried laying him the opposite way, didn't matter. He returned to laying the opposite way.
By 2:30 in the morning, I got my husband out of bed and we turned the open side of the bed to the wall so his full crib panel was facing the outside. No more falling out of the bed! Voila!
So, today Grandpa came over, drilled new holes so we could turn toddler bed side around and have the rail at the head of the bed. I am hoping he doesn't roll out tonight! We shall see...
Sunday, October 25, 2009
I was okay until...
My baby had his second birthday party yesterday. It went well--tons of food, family, friends, gifts, etc. Everyone was generous and seemed to have a good time. I figured I would spend the entire day crying being emotional and pregnant. I suprised myself by fending off the over emotional side until my husband and I knelt beside him to sing happy birthday to him.
My eyes started welling up and face started flushing. I quickly swallowed the knot in my throat to finish the song. My little boy...two years...ALREADY?!?
I always thought it was just a mama's cliche to say they grow up so fast. But there I was...marking the two year anniversary of the day my life changed forever. Really??? It seems like he was just born!
How is it possible that this time flies by so fast when I see him everyday?
I think part of the reason is this: I find myself saying "oh that happened when Nate was 10 months old" or something of the sort. I don't say "oh that happened 8 months after my birthday". His impact on my life has been so significant that the start of his life has become the new time marker for events in my life. And it was so seamless...
The other thing I realize about his birthday is that it marks a time period in my life when I have learned so much about myself, my marriage, and my family. I have grown so much in two years. I remember how much God has blessed me and about the future blessing to come in December with my second son. God has choosen me to raise these precious babies...what a gift He gave to me!
My eyes started welling up and face started flushing. I quickly swallowed the knot in my throat to finish the song. My little boy...two years...ALREADY?!?
I always thought it was just a mama's cliche to say they grow up so fast. But there I was...marking the two year anniversary of the day my life changed forever. Really??? It seems like he was just born!
How is it possible that this time flies by so fast when I see him everyday?
I think part of the reason is this: I find myself saying "oh that happened when Nate was 10 months old" or something of the sort. I don't say "oh that happened 8 months after my birthday". His impact on my life has been so significant that the start of his life has become the new time marker for events in my life. And it was so seamless...
The other thing I realize about his birthday is that it marks a time period in my life when I have learned so much about myself, my marriage, and my family. I have grown so much in two years. I remember how much God has blessed me and about the future blessing to come in December with my second son. God has choosen me to raise these precious babies...what a gift He gave to me!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
The Value of Friendship
I know that I felt this way before I became a mama, but it is more pronounced now. Friendships are critical going through this journey. I think it is impossible to be a mama without having friends to help pick you up when you struggle along the way...and in return...you pick your friends up, instill confidence in them, and let them know you will be there for them always.
Many years ago, I was not there for one of my best friends from high school and we parted ways. I attempted to reestablish our friendship a few years later. I missed her dearly...still do. I left the ball in her court as to if she wanted to rekindle our friendship as my door was always open. I never heard from her...
One day my mom called and told me that she saw collection canisters at the gas station for her because she is dying of clear cell cancer. I was at work at the time and I felt like I had just been punched in the gut and my heart broke at the same time. I had to try to pull it togther so I could finish the work day. Before I did though, I called her parents' house and left a barely comprehendable message that I was devastated about the news and if she would like to call she could. She never did....
I contacted her brother through face book later that day as well--this was back in July. He emailed me back yesterday to say that she is spending time with her family, which includes her husband and two young daughters, and not reaching out right now. Perfectly understandable. She only has a few months to live at most.
So...how do I even begin to reconcile this with myself since I know that a reconciliation with her is highly unlikely? How do I forgive myself and move on for taking her friendship for granted years ago? She was there for me at some of the most intense times of my life up to the point that our friendship ceased. She is not the type of friend that can be replaced. This beautiful soul will be gone soon...leaving a hole in my heart that I have no idea how to fill.
Many years ago, I was not there for one of my best friends from high school and we parted ways. I attempted to reestablish our friendship a few years later. I missed her dearly...still do. I left the ball in her court as to if she wanted to rekindle our friendship as my door was always open. I never heard from her...
One day my mom called and told me that she saw collection canisters at the gas station for her because she is dying of clear cell cancer. I was at work at the time and I felt like I had just been punched in the gut and my heart broke at the same time. I had to try to pull it togther so I could finish the work day. Before I did though, I called her parents' house and left a barely comprehendable message that I was devastated about the news and if she would like to call she could. She never did....
I contacted her brother through face book later that day as well--this was back in July. He emailed me back yesterday to say that she is spending time with her family, which includes her husband and two young daughters, and not reaching out right now. Perfectly understandable. She only has a few months to live at most.
So...how do I even begin to reconcile this with myself since I know that a reconciliation with her is highly unlikely? How do I forgive myself and move on for taking her friendship for granted years ago? She was there for me at some of the most intense times of my life up to the point that our friendship ceased. She is not the type of friend that can be replaced. This beautiful soul will be gone soon...leaving a hole in my heart that I have no idea how to fill.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
The hard part...
about being a mama is when you have one of those days where you try everything and nothing works. My oldest son is sick. My husband took him to the doctor's office, we got him the medicine, and have been diligent about doing everything right. Here's where the hard part comes in...my son doesn't want to take the medicine that will help him. It results in a struggle the we don't win, and the medicine ends up on us instead of in him.
I have found that rationalizing with a two year old doesn't get you very far. All he knows is he does not want that icky stuff that mama and dada INSIST on shoving down his throat.
So...what does this all amount to? A baby that doesn't sleep well at night because he hasn't taken his medication, a mama that doesn't sleep because she is giving multiple breathing treatments and can't sleep because he coughs continuously, and a dada that is trying to keep everything from falling completely apart!
I pray tomorrow ends up with bubble gum flavored medication...for both of us!
I have found that rationalizing with a two year old doesn't get you very far. All he knows is he does not want that icky stuff that mama and dada INSIST on shoving down his throat.
So...what does this all amount to? A baby that doesn't sleep well at night because he hasn't taken his medication, a mama that doesn't sleep because she is giving multiple breathing treatments and can't sleep because he coughs continuously, and a dada that is trying to keep everything from falling completely apart!
I pray tomorrow ends up with bubble gum flavored medication...for both of us!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
A Mama's Fine Dinning
Well...fine dinning might be a little misleading. We had soup and grilled cheese for dinner tonight. My son did not have the soup, he prefers fruit. So, we gave him a chopped up apple. Well, he saw me dipping my grilled cheese into the soup. Wanting to be like mama, he liked dipping his grilled cheese in too.
Then, he decided he ought to try dipping his apples in my tomato soup. Well...he LIKED IT!! I figured he would have grimaced and spit it out. What a terrible combination! But, no! He kept grabbing pieces and dipping them happily into my soup.
So there you have it...a Mama's fine dinning exerience!
Then, he decided he ought to try dipping his apples in my tomato soup. Well...he LIKED IT!! I figured he would have grimaced and spit it out. What a terrible combination! But, no! He kept grabbing pieces and dipping them happily into my soup.
So there you have it...a Mama's fine dinning exerience!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
To my followers
I was told by one of my followers that you do not get notifications when I post. Does anyone want me to send out a mass email to you so you know I have posted? If you do, email me at my gmail account, and I will add you to a group email.
thanks so much for reading my blog. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it :)
thanks so much for reading my blog. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it :)
Monday, October 12, 2009
So hard to see them sick
I swear if God would let me, I would be sick five times if it meant my son did not have to be sick. It is so much harder when your children are sick. I am sure other mamas can relate. It is not that seeing other people sick does not bother me, but there is such a distinct difference with your own kids.
The part that is also more challenging for me as a mama is that he can not tell me yet what is wrong. His verbalizations are still baby babble. I ask him to tell me what is wrong and he babbles the same incoherent phrase. UGH!!! Why can't we get lessons in baby babble language? This would make life much easier...along with that owner's manual!
The part that is also more challenging for me as a mama is that he can not tell me yet what is wrong. His verbalizations are still baby babble. I ask him to tell me what is wrong and he babbles the same incoherent phrase. UGH!!! Why can't we get lessons in baby babble language? This would make life much easier...along with that owner's manual!
Monday, October 5, 2009
Just one of those moments...
I was sitting eating dinner tonight by myself--I got home late from work--while my son and husband were playing on the couch. It was one of those moments where you realize how crucial your partner's role is in the life of your children...how being a mama is important, but the role of dada is just as crucial.
It's not that I ever doubted my husband's role before tonight. I guess it was more of a moment where I realized that as much as I want to be the one my son looks to for whatever he may need, it would not be fair to not foster that for their relationship as well. Realistically, something could happen to me tomorrow and my husband would be the sole parent. Taking care of their relationship is a crucial part of my role as a mama.
It's not that I ever doubted my husband's role before tonight. I guess it was more of a moment where I realized that as much as I want to be the one my son looks to for whatever he may need, it would not be fair to not foster that for their relationship as well. Realistically, something could happen to me tomorrow and my husband would be the sole parent. Taking care of their relationship is a crucial part of my role as a mama.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Update: With great expectations...
Well, we got some fish for his tank...six to be exact. Three Mollies and three guppies. One of the mollies pretty much went to the bottom since we put it in the tank. Nate didn't seem to notice :) With one casualty, my husband and I were pretty sure we could still handle this fish thing.
Well, this afternoon, one of the guppies started resting his belly on the bottom of the tank...it is not looking good. I hope this does not contine at a rate of one death every 24 hours. That would be discouraging.
Alass I have entered into another realm of Mama-hood...keeping pets alive for my son. We already had the dog and cat, so I guess technically they are our pets. But the fish we bought specifically for him. I have to laugh a little, because we can already see this costing us a small fortune.
Maybe I should pile all of my receipts together so I can add up the total cost so when he asks for a hampster, gerbil, or a bird, I can look back and remember how the fish tank is going :)
Well, this afternoon, one of the guppies started resting his belly on the bottom of the tank...it is not looking good. I hope this does not contine at a rate of one death every 24 hours. That would be discouraging.
Alass I have entered into another realm of Mama-hood...keeping pets alive for my son. We already had the dog and cat, so I guess technically they are our pets. But the fish we bought specifically for him. I have to laugh a little, because we can already see this costing us a small fortune.
Maybe I should pile all of my receipts together so I can add up the total cost so when he asks for a hampster, gerbil, or a bird, I can look back and remember how the fish tank is going :)
Friday, October 2, 2009
What is wrong in the world when...
this is how we choose to deal with the murder of an utterly helpless child?
http://www.fox6now.com/news/sns-ap-wi--infantstarved,0,2620397.story
what does it say about our values as a society when it comes to the lives of children?
what does it say to people who think about commiting crimes against children?
what does it say to those children who live through a crime commited against them?
Is it really any suprise that those who live through these horrid experiences develop such anger, resentment, and self loathing that they victimize others? (not that this is ok).
http://www.fox6now.com/news/sns-ap-wi--infantstarved,0,2620397.story
what does it say about our values as a society when it comes to the lives of children?
what does it say to people who think about commiting crimes against children?
what does it say to those children who live through a crime commited against them?
Is it really any suprise that those who live through these horrid experiences develop such anger, resentment, and self loathing that they victimize others? (not that this is ok).
Maybe she had post partum depression which is truely awful, but why do the sympathies fall to the mother and seem to downplay the consequences of her actions--the fact that a child died in an uterly cruel fashion.
When I read or hear about these children, they become my child for an instant and it truely breaks my heart. It has always upset me, even when I did not have children, but now it cuts so much to the core of my being that it is impossible not to have my heart ache at these stories.
I do not want to know what makes a human being do such a thing, but I do want to know why there seems to be such a level of tolerance in our society for crimes against children.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Dirty Socks
I think only a mama can get emotional over dirty socks. Prior to being a mama, all they were to me was an annoyance from my husband who thinks they belong on the floor by the bed.
Now the mama part comes in...my oldest son has taken a liking to laying on my side of the bed and watching cartoons. He will go in there when he gets home from daycare, point to the "illow", say "Mama, down!", and then point to the tv. His next task is to take off his socks which he places right infront of my alarm clock. I currently have 3 socks there--another mama phenomenon, missing socks.
I was laying in bed last night looking at the small pile of his socks and starting getting tears!!! Yes tears?!?! It dawned on me that almost two years ago I had no concept of him growing up like he has...of course I knew he would never stay a baby, but wow... the time really does fly.
It's moments like these that I do not want to forget later in life...how something like dirty socks made me cry, that these are the moments that can never be replaced, and what that little pile reminds me of--snuggling with my baby watching cartoons.
Now the mama part comes in...my oldest son has taken a liking to laying on my side of the bed and watching cartoons. He will go in there when he gets home from daycare, point to the "illow", say "Mama, down!", and then point to the tv. His next task is to take off his socks which he places right infront of my alarm clock. I currently have 3 socks there--another mama phenomenon, missing socks.
I was laying in bed last night looking at the small pile of his socks and starting getting tears!!! Yes tears?!?! It dawned on me that almost two years ago I had no concept of him growing up like he has...of course I knew he would never stay a baby, but wow... the time really does fly.
It's moments like these that I do not want to forget later in life...how something like dirty socks made me cry, that these are the moments that can never be replaced, and what that little pile reminds me of--snuggling with my baby watching cartoons.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
With great expectations...
come the possibility of great let downs. My son LOVES fish tanks. Anywhere we go, he gets sssoo excited about seeing the fish swimming and when I pick him up from the sitter, he has to show me the tank.
So, my husband and I figured we could put the fish tank that has not been in use for ten years in my son's room. We bought everything we needed, except the fish because the tank has to run for one week.
Well, we flicked the switch so the lights were on, the treasure chest would bubble open, and the filter would hum. He just looked at us and then ran out of the room.
Ok, ok....I guess I should have expected that. I suppose he is too young to understand this is the precursor to fish. None-the-less, I hoped to see some excitement.
I guess we will see next weekend when we get fish...wish me luck!
So, my husband and I figured we could put the fish tank that has not been in use for ten years in my son's room. We bought everything we needed, except the fish because the tank has to run for one week.
Well, we flicked the switch so the lights were on, the treasure chest would bubble open, and the filter would hum. He just looked at us and then ran out of the room.
Ok, ok....I guess I should have expected that. I suppose he is too young to understand this is the precursor to fish. None-the-less, I hoped to see some excitement.
I guess we will see next weekend when we get fish...wish me luck!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Why is it that...
everyone feels the need to share their pregnancy, birthing experiences, number and order of children, etc. with me regardless of whether or not I want to hear it or not just because i am pregnant??
Seriously????
No one ever feels the need to share their experiences with me until and as long as I have a swollen belly! Have any of these people ever stopped to think that 1) i might have to pee really bad, 2) i am hungry and need to get some lunch, and 3) when i say "this is my second" that I may need to finish up here so that i can pick that first one up?
So...at the risk of being insensitive, could I please just get my change and receipt so I can get on with my day??
Thanks!
Seriously????
No one ever feels the need to share their experiences with me until and as long as I have a swollen belly! Have any of these people ever stopped to think that 1) i might have to pee really bad, 2) i am hungry and need to get some lunch, and 3) when i say "this is my second" that I may need to finish up here so that i can pick that first one up?
So...at the risk of being insensitive, could I please just get my change and receipt so I can get on with my day??
Thanks!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Reliving Childhood
One of the many, many benefits to being a mama is getting to enjoy your childhood again. I know that some mamas did not have the childhood they wanted, but it gives them the opportunity to make sure their babes have fond memories.
We decided to pick up some games for my eldest son's birthday coming up: Guess Who, Ants in the Pants, and Candy Land. I remember times I played these games with cousins, friends, etc. It makes teaching and playing the games fun again.
I also can not wait for the holiday season! Nathan may not understand Santa Claus completely, but he will enjoy the lights, sounds, smells, family, etc of the holidays. How fun!
It has even occurred to me how much I enjoy playing his trucks and trains with him...imagining the sofa is a mountain the truck climbs up or that a french fry is an airplane :)
Happiness in the simplest things...what an amazing gift he has given to me!
Monday, September 14, 2009
"Why, Mama?"
I am pretty sure this is the one question that drives all mamas crazy after awhile. I guess I did not anticipate that the first time he would ask me this, it would shoot straight to my heart. We were getting ready in the morning like we always do, and I went up to him and said, "baby, I love you." Just like I do 500 other times in the day.
And he looks at me and says "Why, Mama?"
I am quite sure he did not truely understand what he was asking, but it shot straight to my heart! Why do I love you?!?!?! Where do I even begin?! Let's see if I can try...
1) you have taught me what it means to truely love another human being without condition
2) you taught what it means to sacrifice for another human being
3) you (and your baby brother growing inside of me) are the CENTER of my universe and
4) my reason for living!!
I just can not find one good answer! How can something so obvious to every fiber of my being not be able to be described in words? No one answer covers it...even the ones I listed all put together.
I think this will be one question I happily struggle with for a long time....
And he looks at me and says "Why, Mama?"
I am quite sure he did not truely understand what he was asking, but it shot straight to my heart! Why do I love you?!?!?! Where do I even begin?! Let's see if I can try...
1) you have taught me what it means to truely love another human being without condition
2) you taught what it means to sacrifice for another human being
3) you (and your baby brother growing inside of me) are the CENTER of my universe and
4) my reason for living!!
I just can not find one good answer! How can something so obvious to every fiber of my being not be able to be described in words? No one answer covers it...even the ones I listed all put together.
I think this will be one question I happily struggle with for a long time....
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Just wait until he gets older....
I can not tell you how much this phrase drives me crazy!!
Anytime I talk with other moms about milestones or something new my son is doing, this is what I hear...like there is only doom and gloom to come as it is usually said in a dry sarcastic tone. It also usually wipes out any drive or pride I have to share these moments with people around me which is disappointing to say the least.
Maybe I am in the minority here, but I have tried to enjoy each age, phase, milestone, etc in that moment. I am trying to not rush him to grow up or keep him from growing up either. There are things I have enjoyed and disliked about each stage. To me, that is just what raising kids is all about, getting through the challenging times and soaking up the good ones for all they are worth! To me, it is the only way to stay sane as a mama!!
Anytime I talk with other moms about milestones or something new my son is doing, this is what I hear...like there is only doom and gloom to come as it is usually said in a dry sarcastic tone. It also usually wipes out any drive or pride I have to share these moments with people around me which is disappointing to say the least.
Maybe I am in the minority here, but I have tried to enjoy each age, phase, milestone, etc in that moment. I am trying to not rush him to grow up or keep him from growing up either. There are things I have enjoyed and disliked about each stage. To me, that is just what raising kids is all about, getting through the challenging times and soaking up the good ones for all they are worth! To me, it is the only way to stay sane as a mama!!
Friday, September 11, 2009
9/11
Patriotism is not short, frenzied outbursts of emotion, but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime. Adlai E. Stevenson
I remember where I was on 9/11. I was at my first job out of college, green as can be. I turned off the news to head to work right before the first plane hit the World Trade Center. For whatever reason, I didn't listen to the radio that morning...I was trying to remember what I all had to do that day. I got to work and headed to my office and got down to work. After about half an hour I headed up to the main office and when I walked in, I almost ran right into a television on a cart. It was a fuzzy picture at best, and I asked everyone what was going on.
My coworkers informed me that a plane had hit the World Trade Center. I saw the pictures and was sad that a plane must have mistakenly hit one of the towers. The news was reporting that planes had in the past hit the towers. It was definetely news, but nothing overly suspicious at this point.
Then...the second plane hit. I watched the television and I was completely stunned. No one said a word. We all new something much much worse was going on. The rest...you all know.
Even though I did not know anyone personally who died that day or was at ground zero, I felt an emotionally overwhelming connection to all of the people there. I cried and prayed for them that day and for many more days to come.
I am sure it was similar to the experiences our parents/grandparents had with Pearl Harbor and other such events in history. But this was the first major single day catastrophy in my life time. It brought into clear focus for me the fragility of our nation and our freedoms--not because of anything our nation did wrong, but because of the hate that exists in the world for our country. Until that day, I had no idea it existed. I also had no idea the effect it would have on our nation! It was absolutely stunning to me to see the reactions--songs, dedications, war, memorials, etc.
For me, it also added tremendous meaning to Memorial Day and the Fourth of July. My family, like many others I am sure, never really talked about the meaning of these days. I personally feel it is my responsiblity to teach my kids about why these holidays exist...that it goes far beyond fireworks and cookouts. I think this is my way to honor the people who have sacrificed for our country so that I could be here now doing what I love most--being a mama.
I remember where I was on 9/11. I was at my first job out of college, green as can be. I turned off the news to head to work right before the first plane hit the World Trade Center. For whatever reason, I didn't listen to the radio that morning...I was trying to remember what I all had to do that day. I got to work and headed to my office and got down to work. After about half an hour I headed up to the main office and when I walked in, I almost ran right into a television on a cart. It was a fuzzy picture at best, and I asked everyone what was going on.
My coworkers informed me that a plane had hit the World Trade Center. I saw the pictures and was sad that a plane must have mistakenly hit one of the towers. The news was reporting that planes had in the past hit the towers. It was definetely news, but nothing overly suspicious at this point.
Then...the second plane hit. I watched the television and I was completely stunned. No one said a word. We all new something much much worse was going on. The rest...you all know.
Even though I did not know anyone personally who died that day or was at ground zero, I felt an emotionally overwhelming connection to all of the people there. I cried and prayed for them that day and for many more days to come.
I am sure it was similar to the experiences our parents/grandparents had with Pearl Harbor and other such events in history. But this was the first major single day catastrophy in my life time. It brought into clear focus for me the fragility of our nation and our freedoms--not because of anything our nation did wrong, but because of the hate that exists in the world for our country. Until that day, I had no idea it existed. I also had no idea the effect it would have on our nation! It was absolutely stunning to me to see the reactions--songs, dedications, war, memorials, etc.
For me, it also added tremendous meaning to Memorial Day and the Fourth of July. My family, like many others I am sure, never really talked about the meaning of these days. I personally feel it is my responsiblity to teach my kids about why these holidays exist...that it goes far beyond fireworks and cookouts. I think this is my way to honor the people who have sacrificed for our country so that I could be here now doing what I love most--being a mama.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Pampers diapers
I must admit that when I had my first son I would not use anything but pampers. I really liked them--stretchy tabs, absorbent, few leaks, etc. Over the past couple of months, I noticed that the 'stuffing' would come out of some of the diapers. I figured it was just one bad case. No biggie.
Well, after 2-3 cases of the same problem, I wrote the company. There customer services was great. They promptly responded to my email, and sent me coupons for new diapers. I was impressed!
Continuing to hope that the diaper quality was just a fluke, I continued on with the pampers. Unfortunately, we are still having problems :( The sitter doesn't even want them anymore because the combination of poop and diaper 'stuffing' almost resulted in him needing a bath.
I honestly wish the quality of Pampers was still there. I don't particularly like negative reviews of products. While their customer service was wonderful, their diapers have been disappointing :(
Has anyone else had this problem? Please comment if you like!
Well, after 2-3 cases of the same problem, I wrote the company. There customer services was great. They promptly responded to my email, and sent me coupons for new diapers. I was impressed!
Continuing to hope that the diaper quality was just a fluke, I continued on with the pampers. Unfortunately, we are still having problems :( The sitter doesn't even want them anymore because the combination of poop and diaper 'stuffing' almost resulted in him needing a bath.
I honestly wish the quality of Pampers was still there. I don't particularly like negative reviews of products. While their customer service was wonderful, their diapers have been disappointing :(
Has anyone else had this problem? Please comment if you like!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
The Curse of the Baby Book
With baby number 2 on the way, I have been searching for the perfect baby book...and I got to thinking...did I ever 'finish' my first son's baby book??
No.
So where does this leave me? One son's book not done, not by a long shot. And now I want to get another one for my second son that likely won't be finished either? This MUST be the definition of insanity! Attempting to do the same thing for child number 2 that did not get done for child number 1!
But how can I not at least TRY to do the same for my second son?? Will he not end up in therapy wracked with self esteem issues because I did not attempt a baby book for him?
I hope not or I am in trouble for far worse offenses.
The other thought that crossed my mind in relation to the baby book issue is this...are there really moms out there who can say they put down the day that each individual tooth came in?! I could barely get a picture of any tooth let alone be aware of when each individual one came in. Actually, the only time I knew a new tooth came in was when he would bite/nip me during breastfeeding. I doubt he wants a picture of the bite marks he left on my nipple in his baby book :)
The details they allow for in these books is just crazy to me. I was so deprived of sleep and sanity during maternity leave and then rushed back to work after that I just had no time to do the book. Any mama who can complete that book cover to cover truely deserves a reward!
No.
So where does this leave me? One son's book not done, not by a long shot. And now I want to get another one for my second son that likely won't be finished either? This MUST be the definition of insanity! Attempting to do the same thing for child number 2 that did not get done for child number 1!
But how can I not at least TRY to do the same for my second son?? Will he not end up in therapy wracked with self esteem issues because I did not attempt a baby book for him?
I hope not or I am in trouble for far worse offenses.
The other thought that crossed my mind in relation to the baby book issue is this...are there really moms out there who can say they put down the day that each individual tooth came in?! I could barely get a picture of any tooth let alone be aware of when each individual one came in. Actually, the only time I knew a new tooth came in was when he would bite/nip me during breastfeeding. I doubt he wants a picture of the bite marks he left on my nipple in his baby book :)
The details they allow for in these books is just crazy to me. I was so deprived of sleep and sanity during maternity leave and then rushed back to work after that I just had no time to do the book. Any mama who can complete that book cover to cover truely deserves a reward!
Monday, September 7, 2009
ET go home and leave my baby here!!
AARRRGGGHHH!!!
I am quite sure that every mom experiences moments when she wonders what in the world she is doing wrong to have her child turn into an alien being before her eyes! There are days when I swear an alien ship has come down and snatched my happy child and exchanged him for an alien being whose mission it is to find out what puts me over the edge...and just when I am about to completely loose it, the alien space ship returns and exchanges my child back. Leaving me to wonder....why did I get so upset in the first place?
My oldest son had zero interest in going to bed tonight despite being amazingly overtired. Screaming, crying, spitting, pulling, pinching, and having a dandy of a time doing it too. He put such gusto into it!! So, trying to be the nurturing mama, I offer to rub his back if he lays down. He lays down for about 2.8 seconds, jumps up, grabs my glassess and chucks them across the room! Not wanting to encourage that behavior, I leave the room. Well, I think he is convinced I took his birthday with me!
I am quite sure this routine will repeat for at least the next 18 years. I am hoping that I soon get a better grasp on how to deal with these situations...maybe I should just work on inventing Alien spray to keep them away....yes...yes I think that would be much easier.
I am quite sure that every mom experiences moments when she wonders what in the world she is doing wrong to have her child turn into an alien being before her eyes! There are days when I swear an alien ship has come down and snatched my happy child and exchanged him for an alien being whose mission it is to find out what puts me over the edge...and just when I am about to completely loose it, the alien space ship returns and exchanges my child back. Leaving me to wonder....why did I get so upset in the first place?
My oldest son had zero interest in going to bed tonight despite being amazingly overtired. Screaming, crying, spitting, pulling, pinching, and having a dandy of a time doing it too. He put such gusto into it!! So, trying to be the nurturing mama, I offer to rub his back if he lays down. He lays down for about 2.8 seconds, jumps up, grabs my glassess and chucks them across the room! Not wanting to encourage that behavior, I leave the room. Well, I think he is convinced I took his birthday with me!
I am quite sure this routine will repeat for at least the next 18 years. I am hoping that I soon get a better grasp on how to deal with these situations...maybe I should just work on inventing Alien spray to keep them away....yes...yes I think that would be much easier.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Why "Just a Mama"
Another issue I had to tackle when starting a blog...what in the world do I call it? I had many possibilites cross my mind, but "Just a Mama" seemed to fit. Some people might perceive it as a deragatory phrase about being a mom; quite the contrary....
When I was growing up I had high aspriations about being a lawyer, doctor, astronaut, scientist, etc. I wanted to be a hugely important person in the world impacting a lot of people's lives. Not to mention, I wanted to make good money doing it! Take trips all over the world, own a huge house, drive fast and fancy cars. The world would be my oyster!
I didn't become any of those things but found a profession that I love and truely desire to succeed and grown in. I met my husband a little over 6 years ago now, and we had our first child almost 2 years ago. (More details on these in another post.) It was not until the moment my son was born that I realized all I ever wanted to be again was just a mama. If that was all I would ever be again, this would be it.
Dreams of fancy trips around the world were no longer as important as they used to be....taking my son outside and exploring the many wonders of my front yard is so rewarding. Teaching him about new things and remembering that it is the simple things in life we often forget to appreciate. Fancy dining is replaced by ketchup covered hotdogs--two of the main food groups to me now--and fast, fancy cars are replaced by toy trucks and trains. And the people who I want to mean the most to are the ones I tuck into bed everynight. All the money in the world could not make me miss these moments.
I thought that by having children, I might feel cheated out of having these grand dreams full filled. What I did not realize was the hole in my life that truly needed to be filled had nothing to do with these 'high' aspirations. My life feels so much more in perspective now about what is important....family, love, support, marriage, children--not necessarily in that order. Now, far bigger dreams and aspirations wait to be full filled.
Don't misunderstand me! If someone showed up at my doorstep and handed me the keys to a shiny new corvette, I would take them in a second! Then I would go and trade it in for a rocked out minivan and airplane tickets to Disney World :)
Who would have guessed that to be Just a Mama would have such a profound impact on my life?? I never would have guessed it and no one could have prepared me for it. But I sure am glad it happened!
When I was growing up I had high aspriations about being a lawyer, doctor, astronaut, scientist, etc. I wanted to be a hugely important person in the world impacting a lot of people's lives. Not to mention, I wanted to make good money doing it! Take trips all over the world, own a huge house, drive fast and fancy cars. The world would be my oyster!
I didn't become any of those things but found a profession that I love and truely desire to succeed and grown in. I met my husband a little over 6 years ago now, and we had our first child almost 2 years ago. (More details on these in another post.) It was not until the moment my son was born that I realized all I ever wanted to be again was just a mama. If that was all I would ever be again, this would be it.
Dreams of fancy trips around the world were no longer as important as they used to be....taking my son outside and exploring the many wonders of my front yard is so rewarding. Teaching him about new things and remembering that it is the simple things in life we often forget to appreciate. Fancy dining is replaced by ketchup covered hotdogs--two of the main food groups to me now--and fast, fancy cars are replaced by toy trucks and trains. And the people who I want to mean the most to are the ones I tuck into bed everynight. All the money in the world could not make me miss these moments.
I thought that by having children, I might feel cheated out of having these grand dreams full filled. What I did not realize was the hole in my life that truly needed to be filled had nothing to do with these 'high' aspirations. My life feels so much more in perspective now about what is important....family, love, support, marriage, children--not necessarily in that order. Now, far bigger dreams and aspirations wait to be full filled.
Don't misunderstand me! If someone showed up at my doorstep and handed me the keys to a shiny new corvette, I would take them in a second! Then I would go and trade it in for a rocked out minivan and airplane tickets to Disney World :)
Who would have guessed that to be Just a Mama would have such a profound impact on my life?? I never would have guessed it and no one could have prepared me for it. But I sure am glad it happened!
Why would I start a blog?
I have been thinking about doing this for awhile now. There is so much that I want to share with other moms, to be moms, and women that I hope it does not come out as jumbled on here as it is in my head. I will do my best!
The main reason is this: I believe that moms share so many experiences individually that leave us wondering, "am I the only one who feels this way?" We end up feeling isolated and very much alone, when we do not have to be. I have been apart of message boards since having my first child, and when I have felt so very much alone and felt brave enough to post about it, I find that many, many moms say "me too!! I thought I was the only one!" It is such a reassuring feeling. So, why not have a blog where I can post and other moms can contribute their thoughts too? Regardless of age, race, number of children, age of children, etc. There are so many things that never change regardless of these differentiating factors that often divide us into solitude.
I realized this walking into the book store and heading for the baby/children's book section! Books on single moms, divorced moms, children with ADD, children who are finicky eaters, moms to twins, triplets, etc; raising boys, raising girls, attachement parenting, cry it out methods, etc. I kept thinking, I must be the only mom who does not fit into one of these titles! Where in the world will I find the answers to what I have questions about? Am I doing something wrong that I am not concerned about snatching up all of these and memorizing them cover to cover?
The answer is of course, no. Don't misunderstand me, books on various subjects such as the ones I listed certainly have their value. I am merely trying to stress that what makes us all similar as moms with the situations we face are far greater than the ones that seem to divide us into categories. Coming together on the common issues, I believe, can only help.
Another reason, I love to write. I can not say my grammar or spelling is the best, but I will certainly try! Hopefully any errors I make will at least provide for comic relief :) I would love to some day publish a book--not sure about what--but with children, who has the time to organize a coherent thought, let alone work on writing a book! So this is my attempt at taking many scattered thoughts and ideas and putting them all in one location besides my brain.
Finally, I know I need to have a hobby! I get so wrapped up in being a mom that I feel I often forget about myself--what I suspect many moms and women do. We end up losing our sense of self outside of our ever important role as a mother. I know I am guilty of letting that happen, so this is my attempt to do something for me. As selfish as that may make me feel...shouldn't I be doing something for my family???
So, I hope you enjoy reading and contributing to this blog! Here we go....!!!!
The main reason is this: I believe that moms share so many experiences individually that leave us wondering, "am I the only one who feels this way?" We end up feeling isolated and very much alone, when we do not have to be. I have been apart of message boards since having my first child, and when I have felt so very much alone and felt brave enough to post about it, I find that many, many moms say "me too!! I thought I was the only one!" It is such a reassuring feeling. So, why not have a blog where I can post and other moms can contribute their thoughts too? Regardless of age, race, number of children, age of children, etc. There are so many things that never change regardless of these differentiating factors that often divide us into solitude.
I realized this walking into the book store and heading for the baby/children's book section! Books on single moms, divorced moms, children with ADD, children who are finicky eaters, moms to twins, triplets, etc; raising boys, raising girls, attachement parenting, cry it out methods, etc. I kept thinking, I must be the only mom who does not fit into one of these titles! Where in the world will I find the answers to what I have questions about? Am I doing something wrong that I am not concerned about snatching up all of these and memorizing them cover to cover?
The answer is of course, no. Don't misunderstand me, books on various subjects such as the ones I listed certainly have their value. I am merely trying to stress that what makes us all similar as moms with the situations we face are far greater than the ones that seem to divide us into categories. Coming together on the common issues, I believe, can only help.
Another reason, I love to write. I can not say my grammar or spelling is the best, but I will certainly try! Hopefully any errors I make will at least provide for comic relief :) I would love to some day publish a book--not sure about what--but with children, who has the time to organize a coherent thought, let alone work on writing a book! So this is my attempt at taking many scattered thoughts and ideas and putting them all in one location besides my brain.
Finally, I know I need to have a hobby! I get so wrapped up in being a mom that I feel I often forget about myself--what I suspect many moms and women do. We end up losing our sense of self outside of our ever important role as a mother. I know I am guilty of letting that happen, so this is my attempt to do something for me. As selfish as that may make me feel...shouldn't I be doing something for my family???
So, I hope you enjoy reading and contributing to this blog! Here we go....!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)