From One Minute to Three Miles

I decided a couple of months ago to embark on a journey.  One I honestly did not think I would be able to finish.  I thought to myself, I am going to prove I can not do this.  I am going to keep trying until I fail because I do not think I can do this.

I wanted to start jogging. So I did...using a program called C25K or couch to 5k.  It is a program designed for people who do not run, to get running.  I had tried running a couple of times in the past and could not do it because I would get so short of breath.  Since the last time I tried, I discovered I have a touch of asthma.  It was worse during pregnancy, cold weather, when I am sick, and when I try to exercise.  I have an inhaler now that I use just when I need it. 

Anyways, I started my mission to prove to myself I couldn't do it.  The first week, you start jogging in one minute intervals alternating with walking.  I can not tell you how hard it was to jog for that minute.  I would look at the timer and pray for the seconds to magically tic by faster.  They never showed me any mercy.  My feet were screaming.  So much so that I literally had to stop walking  and rest to feel like I could get back home.

A dear friend of mine schooled me on how to buy good running shoes.  That made such a difference I could not believe it!!!  I continued on with my journey in running only to be crippled with shin splints.  I literally felt like someone was stabbing me in the shins.  I could not go up and down stairs.  I pushed myself to run with shin splints.  HUGE mistake.  I had to stop and sit at the park because it hurt so much.  If I would have had my phone, I would have called my husband to come and get me they hurt so bad.  After talking to people, I realized ice was the magic trick and ibuprofen certainly helped.

I wondered what people thought of this at least slightly overweight chick running and walking.  Then, after a couple of weeks, I stopped caring.  I adopted the attitude of 'if you don't like the way I look jogging, then don't look at me.'

I pressed onward.  It just so happened I started this journey during the second hottest summer on record.  It forced me to do something else I never imagined I would do....get up before work to exercise.  I also went after dark when the heat wasn't so oppressive.  I learned the value of moisture wicking clothing (I think that is what it is called).  Cotton does NOT breathe well at all. 

I was still waiting for my body to betray me.  Then, it did.  I tried jogging two days in a row.  I think it was about 3/4 of the way through the program.  I could not catch my breath.  I stopped jogging in my workout, caught my breath, and started again to no avail.  I felt defeated.  I talked to my doctor who said to try again after a few days and allow my body to rest.  Being the non-compliant patient that I am, I waited two days, did my inhaler and picked up where I left off. 

The difference was striking.  I made it through my work out and felt like I could keep going.  Believe it or not, I was MAD! I had taken the program slower trying to make sure I could keep my breathing in check and never even tried my inhaler.  Now, I do my inhaler about 10 minutes before starting.  The difference still astonishes me.  It is a matter of muscle conditioning the majority of the time vs. my breathing. 

I pressed on through the program now determined to prove to myself that I COULD do it.  I added a few new tunes that happen to motivate me and jogged three miles.  That is beyond crazy to me!!  I started out praying for 60 seconds to go by faster and now I am working on shaving time off my 3 mile jog. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be physically capable of doing this.  It took me about 12 weeks to get to this point.  Even more surprising--I get lost in my thoughts when I am jogging.  It is almost like I can disconnect physically and spend time inside myself.  It is a comforting place I enjoy visiting. 

There is something to be said for accomplishing a physical goal...to push your body to its limits...and then a little more.  I always thought people were crazy for jogging religiously.  Now, I get it.  To feel my muscles grow, my heart and lungs burn to keep pace with my legs, and then suddenly it isn't so hard anymore, to know that I can push my physical body to do more is addicting.  The knowledge that I can do something I put my mind to that is just for me, no one else, is intoxicating. 

I am signed up for my first 5K race.  It is something I never thought I would be capable of doing.  I will have a race number!  I will get a t-shirt that says I did a 5K!  Better yet, another friend who inspired me to even try the program will be there with me.  She is actually training for a marathon now, so this will be no challenge for her.  But she is doing it to support me!  A coworker says she will go too.  To say I am excited is an understatement!

What a journey that I am on...and it isn't even over yet :)

Catching Up

Wow....time sure does fly!  I can't believe it has been two months since I posted last. 

First, I did go to confession.  I emailed Father Rick and set up a time with him on a Saturday afternoon.  I walked into that little room, sat down, and spent 45 minutes talking with him.  It was some of the best 'therapy' I have ever had in my life.  One of the most important things we talked about was this: I asked him, "why do we as catholics have confession?  If Jesus died to save us from our sins, why confess?'  I don't remember Father's exact words, but the message I took away was this: Jesus did die to save us from our sins.  Confession is a celebration of sorts that we are saved.  And yet it is also a way to say, I am not taking what Jesus did for me lightly and I want to try and do better.  I want to try and do something meaningful to move my spirit closer to Jesus--aka penance.  It is not 'I was naughty, what is my punishment.'  It made a lot of sense in my heart. 

I am not going to list my confessions or state what my penance was, but I will say this: it was meaningful on a spiritual level.  It did help me to grow in my faith.  And that, in my opinion, IS what confession is trying to teach me.

Second, we did renew our wedding vows in the church.  Most of our family members were there.  It was a small gathering after Saturday evening's first mass.  It was brief, but provided my heart with a calm reassurance that I can not quite put into words. 

I am hoping to take the next step in my faith journey and work towards confirmation.  Classes start in September and meet weekly.  More to come on that front as the time nears :)

Kim is still in my thoughts and heart on a regular basis.  I can feel her presence at times, usually when I am outside playing with the kids.  Rather fitting as she loved her girls and being a mother.  I say hi when I feel her near and thank her for stopping by.

Overall, something in me is changing.  I can not say exactly what it is, but when the day has quieted and I am left with my thoughts, I can feel myself changing.  It is a strong, calm feeling that comes from somewhere deep inside of me.  I am not sure what it is just yet, but I can not wait to find out!