Just Because I am Sick....

does not mean I am not a mama. My son does not care if I look terrible, sound awful, have snot running out my nose, can't stop sneezing, have a congested cough, and am dead tired....I am still his mama, and he still needs hugs and kisses before he leaves, has to show me his new Mr. Potato head creation with pride, and insists I go play with him and his choo-choo trains.

That little boy must love me! I am truely blessed.

Um....what was I going to do???

I know that I had two things I wanted to post about. Now that I have a minute to actually post, can I remember what it was I wanted to say?? No.

So, I figure I can throw in some slightly amusing stories from the last couple of days.

One of my closest friends got my son a Mr. Potato Head for his birthday. It was the second present he opened, and he did not have really any interest in opening any of the other gifts. I managed to peel him away from it long enough to get the other gifts open. Then, back to Mr. Potato Head.

Well, Sunday he was completely exhausted from the day before when we had the party. He BAWLED when we tried to make him put it down for bed time. I said to my husband, "just let him take it to bed. He will pass out and it won't matter." Famous last words...

He did pass out right away, but he woke up at 5:15am shouting "DADA!!!! DADA!!!! LOOK!!" Frightfully waking up to my son screaming, I shoved my husband out of bed to go and check on him. He comes back about 15 minutes later and says, "He dropped his Mr. Potato Head pieces behind the crib and he wanted them." Being the good dada that he is, he got the pieces, gave them to him and hoped he would either: a) play quietly or b) just pass out again.

Not so much. Twenty minutes later..."DADA!! DADA!! DADA!!" He had to show dada what he had made with the Mr. Potato Head pieces he picked up. He did lay in bed for a little while longer after that episode, but we were both up shortly after 6 am.

He will not go to bed with toys anymore :)

Story #2: Toddler bed 3, Nathan 0

Another mile stone for our son this past week was changing him to a toddler bed. He did exceptionally well until last night. The rail to keep him from falling out of the bed was on the foot of the bed, rather than the head of the bed. The way the bed was made, this was the only option. Of course we tried laying him the opposite way, didn't matter. He returned to laying the opposite way.

By 2:30 in the morning, I got my husband out of bed and we turned the open side of the bed to the wall so his full crib panel was facing the outside. No more falling out of the bed! Voila!

So, today Grandpa came over, drilled new holes so we could turn toddler bed side around and have the rail at the head of the bed. I am hoping he doesn't roll out tonight! We shall see...

I was okay until...

My baby had his second birthday party yesterday. It went well--tons of food, family, friends, gifts, etc. Everyone was generous and seemed to have a good time. I figured I would spend the entire day crying being emotional and pregnant. I suprised myself by fending off the over emotional side until my husband and I knelt beside him to sing happy birthday to him.

My eyes started welling up and face started flushing. I quickly swallowed the knot in my throat to finish the song. My little boy...two years...ALREADY?!?

I always thought it was just a mama's cliche to say they grow up so fast. But there I was...marking the two year anniversary of the day my life changed forever. Really??? It seems like he was just born!

How is it possible that this time flies by so fast when I see him everyday?

I think part of the reason is this: I find myself saying "oh that happened when Nate was 10 months old" or something of the sort. I don't say "oh that happened 8 months after my birthday". His impact on my life has been so significant that the start of his life has become the new time marker for events in my life. And it was so seamless...

The other thing I realize about his birthday is that it marks a time period in my life when I have learned so much about myself, my marriage, and my family. I have grown so much in two years. I remember how much God has blessed me and about the future blessing to come in December with my second son. God has choosen me to raise these precious babies...what a gift He gave to me!

The Value of Friendship

I know that I felt this way before I became a mama, but it is more pronounced now. Friendships are critical going through this journey. I think it is impossible to be a mama without having friends to help pick you up when you struggle along the way...and in return...you pick your friends up, instill confidence in them, and let them know you will be there for them always.

Many years ago, I was not there for one of my best friends from high school and we parted ways. I attempted to reestablish our friendship a few years later. I missed her dearly...still do. I left the ball in her court as to if she wanted to rekindle our friendship as my door was always open. I never heard from her...

One day my mom called and told me that she saw collection canisters at the gas station for her because she is dying of clear cell cancer. I was at work at the time and I felt like I had just been punched in the gut and my heart broke at the same time. I had to try to pull it togther so I could finish the work day. Before I did though, I called her parents' house and left a barely comprehendable message that I was devastated about the news and if she would like to call she could. She never did....

I contacted her brother through face book later that day as well--this was back in July. He emailed me back yesterday to say that she is spending time with her family, which includes her husband and two young daughters, and not reaching out right now. Perfectly understandable. She only has a few months to live at most.

So...how do I even begin to reconcile this with myself since I know that a reconciliation with her is highly unlikely? How do I forgive myself and move on for taking her friendship for granted years ago? She was there for me at some of the most intense times of my life up to the point that our friendship ceased. She is not the type of friend that can be replaced. This beautiful soul will be gone soon...leaving a hole in my heart that I have no idea how to fill.

The hard part...

about being a mama is when you have one of those days where you try everything and nothing works. My oldest son is sick. My husband took him to the doctor's office, we got him the medicine, and have been diligent about doing everything right. Here's where the hard part comes in...my son doesn't want to take the medicine that will help him. It results in a struggle the we don't win, and the medicine ends up on us instead of in him.

I have found that rationalizing with a two year old doesn't get you very far. All he knows is he does not want that icky stuff that mama and dada INSIST on shoving down his throat.

So...what does this all amount to? A baby that doesn't sleep well at night because he hasn't taken his medication, a mama that doesn't sleep because she is giving multiple breathing treatments and can't sleep because he coughs continuously, and a dada that is trying to keep everything from falling completely apart!

I pray tomorrow ends up with bubble gum flavored medication...for both of us!

A Mama's Fine Dinning

Well...fine dinning might be a little misleading. We had soup and grilled cheese for dinner tonight. My son did not have the soup, he prefers fruit. So, we gave him a chopped up apple. Well, he saw me dipping my grilled cheese into the soup. Wanting to be like mama, he liked dipping his grilled cheese in too.

Then, he decided he ought to try dipping his apples in my tomato soup. Well...he LIKED IT!! I figured he would have grimaced and spit it out. What a terrible combination! But, no! He kept grabbing pieces and dipping them happily into my soup.

So there you have it...a Mama's fine dinning exerience!

To my followers

I was told by one of my followers that you do not get notifications when I post. Does anyone want me to send out a mass email to you so you know I have posted? If you do, email me at my gmail account, and I will add you to a group email.

thanks so much for reading my blog. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it :)

So hard to see them sick

I swear if God would let me, I would be sick five times if it meant my son did not have to be sick. It is so much harder when your children are sick. I am sure other mamas can relate. It is not that seeing other people sick does not bother me, but there is such a distinct difference with your own kids.

The part that is also more challenging for me as a mama is that he can not tell me yet what is wrong. His verbalizations are still baby babble. I ask him to tell me what is wrong and he babbles the same incoherent phrase. UGH!!! Why can't we get lessons in baby babble language? This would make life much easier...along with that owner's manual!

Just one of those moments...

I was sitting eating dinner tonight by myself--I got home late from work--while my son and husband were playing on the couch. It was one of those moments where you realize how crucial your partner's role is in the life of your children...how being a mama is important, but the role of dada is just as crucial.

It's not that I ever doubted my husband's role before tonight. I guess it was more of a moment where I realized that as much as I want to be the one my son looks to for whatever he may need, it would not be fair to not foster that for their relationship as well. Realistically, something could happen to me tomorrow and my husband would be the sole parent. Taking care of their relationship is a crucial part of my role as a mama.

Update: With great expectations...

Well, we got some fish for his tank...six to be exact. Three Mollies and three guppies. One of the mollies pretty much went to the bottom since we put it in the tank. Nate didn't seem to notice :) With one casualty, my husband and I were pretty sure we could still handle this fish thing.

Well, this afternoon, one of the guppies started resting his belly on the bottom of the tank...it is not looking good. I hope this does not contine at a rate of one death every 24 hours. That would be discouraging.

Alass I have entered into another realm of Mama-hood...keeping pets alive for my son. We already had the dog and cat, so I guess technically they are our pets. But the fish we bought specifically for him. I have to laugh a little, because we can already see this costing us a small fortune.

Maybe I should pile all of my receipts together so I can add up the total cost so when he asks for a hampster, gerbil, or a bird, I can look back and remember how the fish tank is going :)

What is wrong in the world when...

this is how we choose to deal with the murder of an utterly helpless child?

http://www.fox6now.com/news/sns-ap-wi--infantstarved,0,2620397.story

what does it say about our values as a society when it comes to the lives of children?

what does it say to people who think about commiting crimes against children?

what does it say to those children who live through a crime commited against them?

Is it really any suprise that those who live through these horrid experiences develop such anger, resentment, and self loathing that they victimize others? (not that this is ok).

Maybe she had post partum depression which is truely awful, but why do the sympathies fall to the mother and seem to downplay the consequences of her actions--the fact that a child died in an uterly cruel fashion.

When I read or hear about these children, they become my child for an instant and it truely breaks my heart. It has always upset me, even when I did not have children, but now it cuts so much to the core of my being that it is impossible not to have my heart ache at these stories.

I do not want to know what makes a human being do such a thing, but I do want to know why there seems to be such a level of tolerance in our society for crimes against children.