Kim's text messages seldom come anymore. I liked to wait for her to say it was ok to come, but I am begining to think that won't happen anymore. I don't know why I feel like I need courage to go and see her. She is my friend. Why should I need courage? It is less intimidating to walk into a meeting at work with some of the 'higher ups'.
I have taken to reading books about the meaning of life and people's near death experiences. I find them rather soothing to the soul...and I truely believe that there is something amazing on the other side of this life and that she will be free. And I am happy for her...grateful that true peace awaits her. But my heart is still sad and doesn't understand the 'why' of it all. I have come to know that is what my faith in God is all about...that I am not privy to the 'why' just yet. Some day...I will be...and not before God decides it is my turn to know. Faith...that word means so much more than it ever did before for me.
A long time ago, Kim told me that the hardest part of her in this journey is not knowing if she did everything she could to beat this cancer. There are no websites, foundations, etc for the very specific cancer she has. It is so rare. In an effort to help these people who are scattered throughout the world, I started a simple face book page in her honor: The Kimberly Ann Network: Clear Cell Sarcoma Information and Support. For many months, no one joined. I checked in faithfully, but admittedly so have not had the time to update and research as much as I would like.
This past week, two people affected by this horrible cancer have joined to make 3 of us. As sad as I am that there are people dealing with CCS, I am so happy to be working to provide a resource to people....to connect, to support, to share. If what Kim has gone through provides one single person with information that aides them in their battle, her life has been given so much more meaning despite it's end. The tremendous ability to give birth to a child is knowing that you gave life to someone...working through KAN gives all members the opportunity to share a life saving measure,test, medicine, support...over and over again in Kim's name....even though she will soon be gone.
I can NOT for the life of me think of a better way to honor my dear friend.
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