The Loss of a Child

I can not even imagine what it is like to lose a child...or children. 

I always thought it would be heart wrenching, but now that I have children, I think it would be like losing a part of my soul.  What brought this topic on you ask?  Ever since my eldest son was born, I have been a part of a group of women who all had a child in October of 2007.  We have shared about our children, but also divorces, financial troubles, illnesses, and so much more.  Never would we have thought that we would be talking about the loss of one of 'our' children. 

It has brought out so many emotions from all of the moms....anger, frustration, compassion, sadness, guilt, confusion...all of us trying to figure out what we are supposed to do.

I have examined my own feelings and have come to a couple of conclusions:

1) When someone so young is lost, the fragility of life is brought into sharp focus.  The lives of my own children are not guaranteed.  That is terrifying.  It makes me sad to know that my time with them can come to an end before I am ready.  Likewise, my time here is not guaranteed.  My heart breaks for my friend who will soon be without her son.  I think the best way to honor her loss is to work as hard as I can to make the most of my time with my children. I will not be perfect, I will get frustrated with my kids, they will get mad at me...but at the heart of it is a renewed determination to be the best mom for my boys that I can be...so that if I am gone, or God forbid they are taken from me, there is never a time in their lives when they question how much I love them.

2) Faith is challenged at times like these.  More than usual.  I was recently confirmed and spent months examining my faith...how much do I trust God to know what is best when it seems so unfair.  The truth is...He does know what is best.  Even if I am not happy with the outcome.  I do not believe that God does bad things to people, He takes care people when bad things happen to them.  I do not doubt for a moment that hundreds of people are embracing this family in prayer and love.  I also do not doubt that so very many people are waiting to do whatever they can to ease the pain of loss they feel.  God's love is very much present at this boy's bedside and through the hearts of people who care about him and his family. 

3) Heaven does exist.  Can there be anything closer to hell than losing a child?  There has to be an amazing, beautiful, beyond words place that we go to after here...where all the love that we have in our human hearts bursts free and achieves full expression...a place our words simply can not describe.  I do not believe love dies, it goes on and seeks out its companions...parents, children, even pets.  You simply can not stop it.  Nothing could possibly stop me from loving my children or stop my love from reaching my children.  Heaven is love. 

Maybe my views are over simplistic to some, but it is how I make sense of a senseless world.  I know that this family and little boy who I have never met in real life have caused me to examine and solidify my own beliefs, to live with love...one day at a time.