A few days ago, I was able to spend some time with Kim. She seemed to be able to tolerate the higher doses of morphine a little bit better. She was able to stay more awake, although she would still drift off at times during our conversation. I asked if there was anything else i could help her do. She said "no. I can't write any more letters because I could go on forever. I have written some letters 2-3 times. I just have to stop."
She told me that since her nurse last visited and mentioned it is getting close to the time to go to the hospice facility, everyone has been treating her like she is 10 years old. She's tired of it. She says she feels like she has to have a babysitter all the time, someone giving her medications, and someone taking her cell phone away. She asked me to help her with getting her pain pump cartridge changed. I sat on the couch patiently waiting for her to ask for help. She only needed help once.
Again, I could tell she was tired and I told her, "Kim....get some sleep my dear. I will be back again soon." I told her I would text her later in the week to find out what would work best.
She texted me first. She is going to the hospice facility this Friday or Saturday. She told me that she feels like going to hospice is offically giving up. My heart broke. I think it is more like saying, 'enough.' She has suffered for a year and half....through surgeries, chemotherapy, not to mention the emotional struggles with her children. As much as it breaks my heart to loose her, I hate seeing her suffer. I would much rather know she has her angel wings and is free from the disease that has attacked her body.
Love goes on....and so will she.
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